Are you a Baby Boomer who is taking take of an elderly loved one? I am. Perhaps you have dependent children too. And maybe a job or business. I do. Welcome to “the Sandwich Generation” — I’m sure you’ve heard of it. (As it turns out, we’re mostly women). All of our situations are different. Yet similar. For instance…
One morning when my father woke up (He was 93 ½) he suddenly could hardly see. He’d had a little macular degeneration but was receiving those eyeball shots and was doing OK. But unbeknownst to him, his eyes had been internally bleeding during the night. As of that morning he suddenly couldn’t see to drive, not even to the store. Couldn’t read food labels (or anything for that matter), couldn’t watch TV, could hardly see his microwave or phone buttons. Besides that, he was totally deaf in one ear, with 50% hearing loss in the other. He’d experience sudden hearing loss a couple years previous.
Dad was in a panic and didn’t know what to do. Up until that morning, he’d been able to play 18 holes of golf three times a week. He cooked all of his own meals with fresh food. At his age he was still a really good driver, so drove his “younger friends” everywhere because they couldn’t. He also cleaned, maintained, and lived in his own home. I know this is probably over the top for a 93-year-old. But it’s what he was used to, and now life as he knew it was radically changed. And mine too.
He’d lived in Arizona for 25 years, but now our family rushed him back up to his home state where he entered an assisted living community near me. I had many years of working with seniors in various capacities. But nothing came close to what I experienced in helping my own once-very-active father who had both extreme hearing and vision loss. Through the next weeks and months I learned to develop a Plan. I learned the delicate balance between my caregiving and his strong independence. And about his dignity and self-esteem. And all about, first hand, assisted living and continuous care.
Even though he was in assisted living, I took on many, many secondary caregiving duties. I learned new ways to keep him busy - and yes, there are many activities deaf-blind people can do. He now uses a special government-sponsored books on tape program, with a special machine that adjusts sound frequencies so he can actually hear it! I also got him special infrared ear phones for watching TV - a 52 inch TV - and he can see basic forms, movement, and shapes. He’s really thrilled with even that, and has a little something to do to fill his hours. We devised ways for him to maintain his good nutrition and healthy snacking - sometimes difficult in an institution.
All of this prompted me to share what I knew. Caregiving and sandwiching pieces of life can be seen as a burden. But to me, the joy and satisfaction of getting to know my father in new ways have been very special. I am making new memories with him. And they will be with me for the rest of my life, long after he is no longer here.
